


It's Hard To See (Which One Of Us Is Caving)

by the_void_girl



Series: Broken Images [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hospitals, Other, References to Suicide, Sad Cas, Sad Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 18:42:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_void_girl/pseuds/the_void_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel delves deeper into depression, and sam thinks he can no longer save his friend, but who really needs saving?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Hard To See (Which One Of Us Is Caving)

“Cas!”

The voice is grating, but familiar… so familiar at the same time.

“Hey, can you hear me? Please tell me you can hear me”

Sam. That was definitely Sam’s voice. His eyes opened immediately, misjudging the amount of light in the room, having to squint in the aftermath.

“Where am I?” he asked, his tongue felt heavy and dry.

Sam didn’t answer, but Castiel was smart enough to piece it together; needles in his arms, beeping and whirring of monitors, the fact that he had no pants on – hospital.

“You passed out and I brought you here.” Sam breathed, after a minute of complete silence.

Castiel opened his eyes slowly, to look at his best friend. 

Sam looked horrible, dark circles under his eyes with his hair a mess, as if he hadn’t slept in days. It made something inside him break, like a hairline fracture that you couldn’t see if you tried.

“How long?” he gasped out, shaking at the realization that his illness is what caused Sam to look like that, that he did that to his perfect, unflappable, best friend.

“You’ve been out for almost three days. I … I thought you were…”Sam responded, barely speaking before breaking down.

 

Cas wanted to reach out to him, comfort him in the way he was so used to doing, but his body betrayed him, sending shots of pain as he moved. All he could do was lie there, while Sam sobbed because of his stupid mistake.

 

“I’m an idiot.” He bit out, angrily, “I’m a pathetic idiot.”

 

Sam froze at that, gripping Castiel’s hand and threading their fingers together. It seemed so right, how they fit, like they were meant for each other and some cosmic force was trying to tell them to get it over with. And, at that moment, Sam decided that if Castiel was an idiot for doing this, then he was a bigger idiot for staying away four years because of a stupid argument.

 

“Why, Cas?” he asked, eyes wet with tears, raw with emotion and staring down at the only person who knew him well enough to really say he knew him.  
He could see Cas’ throat close up, the tightening of his jaw, could see the slight tremor of his lips. No answer came, only a strangled sob, and a heave for breath.

 

Sam took his hand and ran a thumb over the cut on the wrist, flashes of blood and glass and pills flashing in his mind. Hs shook at the thought of getting to the house a minute later, or even an hour, screwed his eyes shut at the thought of what he might have found.

 

“I can’t stop, Sam. I can’t, I can’t.” Castiel shuddered.

 

Because he couldn’t.

 

Couldn’t stop using.

 

Couldn’t stop feeling sorry for himself.

 

Couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Couldn’t take being a burden to Mary, or Dean…

 

Or Sam.

 

“You can, and you will.” Sam declared, firmly, peering into blue, hazy eyes. “I won’t let you give up, and I’m not leaving you.”

That was a promise, a declaration, benediction. That was the statement of a man who would do anything to protect the one he loved, to save the person in front of him.

 

Cas gave a sad, knowing smile. Sam was the adhesive that held him together at all times, that fixed his torn shreds until only the tracks of tear marks were visible. The one who always knew him, always saved him from himself. And yet, he was the one that caused Sam the most grief right now, the most sadness. He was the one breaking the unbreakable, splitting the foundation of safety and comfort, ripping Sam and dancing on the flames of the pages.  
It was then he realized that he couldn’t do this on his own. He needed help, and he didn’t need Sam to suffer because of him.

“I think I need to get into rehab.” He choked out.

Sam merely nodded in affirmation.

“Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my third installment in my broken images!verse, its all the Sastiel with none of the fluff, enjoy and leave comments and kudos as you please.


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